Listen to the podcast version here.

We kicked off our new series of LinkedIn Livestreams this week with a short and meaty chat with one of my favorite people, Terri Trespicio. 

The "room" was buzzin'...

What exactly blew everyone's mind?

Here are my top takeaways -- but there were so many nuggets in this 20 minute chat, you may have totally different ones. So be sure to watch, listen and/or scroll down to peruse the transcript. 

• We totally reframed networking. If you think about it in this new way, it's not gross!
• "Your network is what matters, not 'networking.' Your network is a living, breathing extension of you. And if you take care of it, it will take care of you."
• "Trusting is the shortcut to connection!" Start networking by trusting first. Stop worrying about what anyone thinks of you. It’s none of your business.  
• "No need to start networking – you’re already doing it." (Wait, what?)

That's just the tip of the iceberg!

Here are the questions I asked:

• What is networking to you? Terri makes a distinction between “network” (the noun) and “networking” -- which we agreed shouldn't be "verbified."
• How should a newbie get started networking? You'll love her answer to this one! (I love your idea to “trust first” – but what exactly does that mean? How do you do it? ) 
• What do you think of the phrase, “working your network?” I'm asking everyone these days and her answer won't surprise you.
• What do others do that annoys you? This annoys me too!
• How do you handle a talker? And how do you get out of a conversation? Her answer has to do with Martha Stewart!

Of course, the conversation went much deeper and Terri even brought some new metaphors to the conversation. 

This one's a keeper!

If you like this, you'll love the free webinar I'm hosting on Monday, May 15 at 12-1 PM. It will change how you connect with people - especially potential clients - from here on out.

You won't want to miss this. I do hope you'll join us.  Sign up here now!

Listen to the podcast here and below...

 

And scroll down to read the transcript of our conversation. 

ilise benun:

It’s Q2 and in the world of the Simplest Marketing Plan, that means it’s time to focus on strategic networking. That is the focus of our new series of LinkedIn Livestreams, which we kicked off this week with a short but meaty chat with one of my favorite people, Terri Trespicio, who as usual, took my ideas about networking even further. I love this chat and I know you will too. So listen and learn. 

Bonnie Fanning:
Hello everybody. Welcome to Talking Networking. I'm Bonnie Fanning and I'm here with everyone's favorite marketing mentor to creatives, Ilise Benun of marketing-mentor.com. Hi, Ilise.

ilise benun:
Hello, Bonnie. So good to see you.

Bonnie Fanning:
I'm so glad we're all here. And Ilise's special guest today, writer, speaker, brand advisor, and author of the book, "Unfollow Your Passion," Terri Trespicio. Hi, Terri.

Terri Trespicio:
Hello.

Bonnie Fanning:
Hello. Thank you for being here.

Terri Trespicio:
Of course.

Bonnie Fanning:
So you guys watching, if you follow Ilise, you may have noticed new videos and tips and live streams like this one all about networking. We're going crazy about networking right now. That's because this is the second quarter of the year and in this quarter we're helping creatives with their networking. You may already like networking, you may be determined to hate it, but we are on a mission to reframe what it is and show you how to fall in love with it. So we have a big event coming up on May 15th where you're going to see how fellow creatives are using networking to grow their businesses and we'll tell you all about that at the end. But for now, Ilise, take it away.

ilise benun:
Thank you so much, Bonnie, and I'm thrilled to be here with two of my favorite people. So we have a lot to cover and not too much time because we just want to make these quick things. And by the way, it's an experiment. Everything is always an experiment. So we'll see what happens. But Terri, thank you so much for joining me. I'm thrilled to have you here.

Terri Trespicio:
I'm always happy to be here in conversation. I love that everyone's joining us too. Hello.

Bonnie Fanning:
Yeah.

ilise benun:
One of the things I love about talking to you, Terri, and we've talked about this, is that you just always take my ideas further and hopefully I do the same with you. And so it's this beautiful dialogue that we have. And so when I started the conversation about networking, Terri added so many awesome new ideas. I wanted to dig in a little bit to those. So let's start with definitions because I think a lot of people are sometimes confused about what networking is or isn't. So how would you define networking?

Terri Trespicio:
I would define it as one of the worst words to define the thing that we do naturally. So networking, if we're going to define it, is the intentional building of relationships for professional growth and community.

ilise benun:
And in the message that you sent out, I loved especially the focus on language and that you talked about the difference between the verb network and the noun network. What did you mean by that?

Terri Trespicio:
Well, the noun, we know a network is important. We know networking as a thing is a critical part of anyone's business or professional life. But to network, I never conjugated that verb in school and the verbifying of anything is usually fairly douchey. Like, "Let's lunch," "Where do you summer?" "How are you networking?" Networking is a big awkward lawn chair of a word that we're always trying to wrestle around when really it is not only the most important thing you'll do, but so innate to us. And the formalizing of it is what makes it seem difficult.

ilise benun:
I agree with that. And one of the things you also said in your message was that if you take care of your network, your network will take care of you, which is a variation on some of the things we've talked about where if you take care of your business, your business will take care of you. So I loved that twist. What do you mean by that?

Terri Trespicio:
Well, as I said, there's nothing more important, but you don't get a network, you don't acquire someone else's network. It is a long game. It is a slow build and in order for it to grow, it's got to be sort of vascular tissue, your own heart and soul and blood has to be running through it. And so if you do just like your body, if you take care of your body and feed it and move it and do all the things you should do, it's going to take care of you. And the same goes for your network because it's more important and will outlast any one job, any one career and goes bigger than any one industry.

ilise benun:
You want to add anything, Bonnie?

Bonnie Fanning:
No, you're just blowing my mind a little. I love just like the formality of it is what makes it hard and that it's so innate to us. I love that.

ilise benun:
Me too. So we did a big survey on networking and we got all sorts of ideas about what people are challenged by and one of the things they said was "getting started with networking." So all right, why are you laughing? Why are you scoffing at that?

Terri Trespicio:
You know what you might get started doing? Fly-fishing, mountain climbing, you might start today. You'll go to mountain, you'll start climbing, but you don't start networking today. You've been doing it... If you know a person in the world, you've been networking because it's just relationships. So this idea that you have to start now, that also makes it seem harder than it has to be. However, it might be time to do it more intentionally and more often.

ilise benun:
Yeah, and one of the things again that you said and took my idea further in your message was about getting started that you trust first. And I'm really curious about that because I want to know of course what that means, but also when people are not trusting first, what does it look like? What does it feel like?

Terri Trespicio:
Oh, I do believe that. I don't know if it's because I'm sort of lazy or trying to optimize everyone's time, but I don't have time to decide whether I can trust you. I mean, I'm not giving you my bank account information. I go in trusting because it is a shortcut to connection because if I behave and act as if I trust you, if I just meet you or if I meet a group of people when I walk out on stage and give a talk, I don't go out guarded and I don't know if they're going to like me. No one has time for that. So I just assume that they have the best intentions and I do too, and that they're not out to dislike me. And so I just trust them first. And I find it puts the other person or persons at ease.

It allows you to be vulnerable more quickly and it can expedite connection. When you don't do it, what it looks like is, well, show me the person who's hanging back, who hates it because they think people are horrible or nasty, or that this is dumb. The cynic, the real cynic about it, they're the ones who will not then reap the benefit of it. Or someone who thinks, well, I'm really tough, I make friends really. I don't need any more friends. Well then don't waste my time either. That doesn't actually help anyone and it doesn't make you more valuable just because you're not willing to connect. It doesn't work the same as in economics that way.

ilise benun:
It almost sounds like one of the things you're saying is "stop thinking about what other people think about you."

Terri Trespicio:
I don't care.

ilise benun:
Trusting is "I'm going to try to get to know you, which is kind of curiosity as a marketing tool."

Terri Trespicio:
It feels very Ilise even when I do it because the fact is we're so worried. Well, am I impressive enough? No one cares if you're impressive. And also don't try to impress anyone. I think that's a real douche move. I go in when I meet someone, just ask them questions. They will love you because most people just want to be seen and heard and they're worried what you think of them. So when I create a nice runway for conversation of any kind and I'm genuinely curious about them, all defenses go away.

ilise benun:
I love that so much. So this is related actually, with someone I was talking to recently, I used the phrase, "work your network." How do you work your network?

Terri Trespicio:
And someone didn't like it.

ilise benun:
She didn't like it. She said, "Oh no, I don't work my network. That sounds cold and calculating. And instead I reach out to my network or I connect with my network." And so I was curious, what do you think of this word, work your network, and do you work your network?

Terri Trespicio:
Yes. And again, this goes back to the seeming awkward and formalizing of an effort, which why do people feel guilty or weird about going in? Because they think networking is the process of getting things from other people. They think of it as me acting on an agenda, which I'm not showing you and so I'm going to trick you in to be my friend so I can get stuff.

That's the absolute worst reason to go into it. I do work my network. Why? Because I don't work in an office where I can bypass people and see them at the water cooler. I'll just sit here by myself. And so I have to create occasions (and most of us do) in which to really connect. And so it's not, oh, I got to do networking. I got to block today from 12 to two to work my network.

I write to people at all hours of the day when I think of them. I'm forever spontaneously and casually feeding and reaching out to people, not because it's on my to-do list, but because it's a way of life. So working it, I get what they're thinking is like, "I'm working it, I'm working the room, I'm trying to get something."

I'm not trying to get something because I found that the more I put out there, the more I give and the less clinging I am to, "Oh, are they going to take this? Are they going to steal this? Is that person going to... What if that's for me?"

I just decided I can't worry about that. And the more I give, the more I get back because people trust me in my community. And once you lose that, you have nothing.

ilise benun:
So both curiosity and generosity as marketing tools.

Terri Trespicio:
Generosity is my mode. I find it easier to do.

ilise benun:
And one thing I was thinking about while I was taking a walk the other day is this idea: I made a connection between bringing more of yourself into your marketing, into your networking and sharing. Some people say, "What does that mean? How do you do that?" And I thought, "You share, you share about yourself. You don't hide you. You aren't stingy with your life and your thoughts and your ideas and everything."

Terri Trespicio:
I mean, Ilise, you and I met as professional contacts. I hired you. It was professional. And over time, as we got to know each other, it has developed into a relationship. Like now I consider you one of my inner circle friends. That matters but that was earned on both of our part over time. And that idea, it does make me kind of sad and bewildered when we say, "well, how do I bring more of myself into it?"

This is fallout of, I guess, the industrial revolution, the idea that this is work stuff, this is in the factory and out here is where you live. This idea that we have to have some very strong wall between my personal, my professional, I don't do that. I don't. As a result, I have friends. I get to work with my friends. And to me, there's no downside to that at all. And that I just bring myself to it.

ilise benun:
Exactly. And that brings it back around to my definition of networking: making business friends. And so if you think a bit about it, I'm just out there making friends and some people are going to like me and some people are not. And I'm going to like some and some I'm not, and it doesn't matter, who cares?

Terri Trespicio:
But another part of that is, "Who's going to pay whom?" I think that's the thing. "Am I going to hire this person or are they going to hire me? Or do they have someone who could hire me?"

When people think it's transactional, they say, well, networking is so transactional, it's only because you're seeing that way. It doesn't have to be. In fact, I will quote Dorie Clark here who I admire. She's such a prolific author and fantastic. She has an amazing network. How does she build such a strong connection? Why does everyone in my world know she is?

She says when she meets someone -- she learned this the hard way -- she connects with them and gives it a full calendar year before she ever asks for a thing, anything at all. And it's not like she's waiting like it's 365 days, what can it do for me?

Not like that, but just no move like that. Because she says once she asked too soon, and it changed the vibe. People are very defensive. They're afraid someone's going to come after them and wants it from them. So go in not wanting anything. When I walk into a room, it's hard for me too. I don't know anyone here. I go in I'm going to learn about some people here and see what I can offer as help and not pitch my business necessarily. But there's people you could meet, Ilise, who could be your business friends and they don't hire you or send you any business for five years, but when they do it, the biggest client of your life. So you just don't measure it that way.

ilise benun:
So we just have a few more minutes, but I also am curious, again, where you are in your business, how do you network? Are there people that you want to meet and how do you reach out to them and are there people who want to meet you and what do they do to network you?

Terri Trespicio:
I had someone. Okay, we both were on Michael Roderick's podcast and he says connect with anyone you want, who do you want to meet. And he said to me, when he wrote to me, he said, "I had a guest on, and the person she wanted to connect with was you." And I was like, "What? Why?" It was just like how, and this woman who did connect us and we talked and we built kind of the... I just really liked her and I helped her where I could and she gave me her insights and all kinds of things and now she's in not one but two of my programs and I get to talk to her all the time. And so how do you do it? You listen to podcasts, you listen to people you like, your friend's podcast. I know your friend has a podcast and you go, that person. Just let me reach out to them. Hey, I'd love to learn more about what you do.

I do a lot of one-on-one Zooms, and I also do pay dues literally to different networking groups. I'm in three different ones. I don't work those networks enough. I know I underuse them, but they're there. When I reach out, I go, "Hey, I have an opportunity. Does anyone know anyone?" I want to be connected, so I make sure I'm in some formal channels, but I just make sure I'm forever watering and watering those plants.
My last metaphor for you, Ilise, which I cooked up just for you because I know you love them, is that if the idea of networking makes you tired, it's because you think you have to go acquire an apple tree. Where am I going to find a tree? Does that tree have more fruit? How am I going to get a tree? Trees are heavy. They're hard to maneuver. Yeah, you're not going to get someone else's tree. You're not going to buy a tree. You are going to start gardening. You are going to start planting seeds, and over time, all of that effort will bear fruit if you give to it. And so stop trying to worry about who am I going to capture out there and make do businesses. No, you're growing that garden. It'll keep you fed the rest of your life.

ilise benun:
Absolutely. All right. We probably have time for one or two more questions, but Bonnie, I just-

Terri Trespicio:
Oh, yeah. Do we have questions? Cool.

ilise benun:
Well, I don't know if we have questions for... Do we?

Bonnie Fanning:
No, we have some great comments. We don't even have any questions, but yeah, people are loving this. This is totally an awesome mindset shift.

ilise benun:
Yeah, I think it's important. And one other question, because I think a lot of times people are, especially in in-person events, right? Because it's been a while since a lot of people have been at an in-person event, and so they feel anxious and sometimes people say, I don't want to get into a conversation because I'm not going to be able to get out of it.

Terri Trespicio:
That is hard.

ilise benun:
Right. So how do you handle a talker or how do you get out of a conversation?

Terri Trespicio:
I have tried to analyze what I do and I know what I do now. First, I take a cue from what I learned from hosting a radio show that had commercial breaks. I got to get this guest to stop talking so that I can move on to the next thing. And so what I do is interrupt positively. I'd say, "Ho, ho, ho. Wait, you just said something. I don't want to lose that. I'd love to get back to it, blah, blah, blah, blah," and go for our commercial break. Now in real life, what I do is match their energy a little.
So if someone's very quiet and they won't stop talking, then I get really quiet with them and I say, "You know what? I hate to cut you off. I see someone, I have to grab them right now, if you would just excuse me." No one's going to be like, "No, you'll not leave me." And if someone's really blah, blah, blah, I'd be like, "Oh my gosh, Louise, first of all, wait, you're hilarious." I have to stop them, reflect back to them so they feel heard and say, "If you would just excuse me, I've got to run for a minute, but I'd love to continue this." So you're not just pulling away and running away. You're reflecting the energy back so that they feel seen before you leave. I think that people are going to talk and they're probably talking because they're nervous.

ilise benun:
A lot of times people can't stop themselves from talking.

Terri Trespicio:
The more nervous ones.

ilise benun:
Exactly.

Terri Trespicio:
So reassure them.

ilise benun:
Yeah. I like to say, "Just let me stop you there. Let me just interrupt you right there. Just forgive me." Sometimes I'll say, "Forgive me, but let me just interrupt you right there, blah, blah."

Terri Trespicio:
And then what do you say? You say I got to go?

ilise benun:
Well, I say, I've loved this conversation. I would love to keep in touch. Let's exchange business cards or let's link with each other and I'm going to move on and talk to some more people.

Terri Trespicio:
I think that's completely fine, right? I think we're afraid someone's going to hate us because we stopped a conversation. That won't happen.

ilise benun:
I have one more thought, but Bonnie, it looks like you want to say something.

Bonnie Fanning:
No, I'm just enjoying this. I love these comments. People are feeling encouraged and inspired.

Terri Trespicio:
Oh, I love it.

Bonnie Fanning:
Yeah, this is great.

Terri Trespicio:
I think the best advice is you know how to do this because you have friends, you have people that you talk to all the time. You can do it. You don't need to learn how to do it. Two years, three years of a pandemic is not enough to untrain your human ability to express yourself and connect. You've got to trust other people, but you've got to trust yourself too.

ilise benun:
One of the things that came to my mind as you were talking before about generosity especially and putting people together is the idea of maybe this is a metaphor we can use too. Just be a matchmaker. Sometimes people tell me I'm an excellent matchmaker. It's just because I'm thinking, I'm not thinking, do they like me? Do they want to work with me? I'm thinking, who should this person know? Right.

Terri Trespicio:
I do that too. It's so fun.

ilise benun:
Yeah, it's so fun.

Terri Trespicio:
And it gives you an ability to be the resource for that person. And here's my thing, because you had asked what's annoying, if you are going to connect people, first of all, I tell the person I know better, "Hey, I want to introduce someone." Here's why I'm introducing you. I hate the cold email that comes out of nowhere with a person I know and a person I don't. And it says, "You two are my favorite people. You've got to connect. Bye." I go, what? And then I have to follow up and say, what are you thinking? Does she need my help? Do you think I need her help? Just be real. Be like, "No, I just want to all be friends. Come on." What are you thinking? Why? What do we have in common? Do the work. If I'm going to connect someone, I do the work.

ilise benun:
Yeah. I love that. Excellent. All right. Thank you so much, Terri. This has been awesome. I think we should turn it into a podcast so we can continue this conversation. We're due for another podcast.

Terri Trespicio:
I'll do it. I'll come back anytime. I would love to have this conversation for the next like hundred days. I love it. And thank you so much for having me.

ilise benun:
Awesome. Bonnie.

Bonnie Fanning:
Yes. Thank you so much to both of you. I just see the comments lighting up with people, and this is blowing my mind too. I love being on these so I can learn from you guys about all this stuff. But thank you to both of you so much for this and to everybody watching, if you're ready to learn how to love networking and use it to grow your creative business, come to our Jumpstart Your Networking event. It's going to be on May 15th from noon to 1:00 PM Eastern.
I'll put a link up here so you can sign up for that. It's totally free to join. We're going to open up some businesses of other creative people so you can see exactly how they do networking. And some of them are or least one of them is a total introvert. So you'll get to see that. So you can go there, or I'm also going to pop up a QR code here for you guys once I find it. There it is. That's not it. There it is. So if you guys can hold your camera up to that, you should also be able to go to that link. So thanks again to Ilise and Terri and hope to see you guys at the event. Bye everyone.

Terri Trespicio:
Romeo says goodbye.

ilise benun:
Bye, Romeo.

The baby step I’m recommending is that you join me on Monday, May 15th for a new webinar called Jumpstart Your networking. It’s totally free and it starts at 12 PM ET – 12-1 PM ET.

You’ll hear all about it – and the next LInkedIn LIvestream too – when you sign up for my Quick Tips at marketing-mentortips.com. Once you’re on the site, you’ll find lots more free resources.. Enjoy and I’ll see you next time.